Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
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