Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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