woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize
