it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Randomize
