dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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