people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
