After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
