Do you still have your period?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
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