I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
She looked like her face caught fire, and someone put it out with a screwdriver.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
i guess this means i'm going to be wearing knee socks during sex again
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
