Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
