Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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