I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Randomize