4 words: hood of his car
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
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