I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
Randomize
