hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Well, she's officially disappointed in me. I have it writing.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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