I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
is that a dick in a sweater?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
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