I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
