for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
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Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
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Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
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