When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
