This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
my vagina's been through so much this weekend
you mean so much has been through your vagina this weekend?
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
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