Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
