She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
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