Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Randomize
