I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
I'll just get wasted and start throwing myself at men. Someone's bound to take the bait
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
Randomize
