Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
