did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
