Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize
