Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
I know she’s pissed I fucked her husband, but I didn’t know he was married until after I blew him at Legoland
Randomize
