all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
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