if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
