Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
so let's talk penis.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
She better not be too drunk to operate a blowtorch
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I'm sobbing to NWA
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
Randomize
