While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
They had miseltoe over the keg.... thats cheating
He walked me home last night across campus while i fed him pasta out of a solo cup at 3 am.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize
