nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
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I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
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