I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Randomize
