My room smells like vodka and shame
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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