O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I want her autograph on my taint
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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