its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Randomize
