you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
