I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
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