it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
