tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
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