theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
