Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
