dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Randomize
