You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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