If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
