I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize
