i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
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