Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize