..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
