Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
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