She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You did a body shot out of her belly button with a bendy straw.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
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