new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
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