here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
Randomize
