My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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